Is this just a Crush or is it True Love?
Like leprechauns and unicorns the search for true love can seem like a fantasy that will never come true, but rest assured, you will find “the one” one day. In fact, as you head down the path of life you are likely to find a few “the ones”, meaning you are likely to fall in love more than once. How can you tell the difference between love-right-now and the-right-and-true-love? The answer is that you can’t really tell until you have different experiences to go by .
Each and every time you fall in love may feel like the real and final deal and those relationships may end good or they may end bad. The important thing to note is that every relationship will have something important to offer you and none, no matter how painful they may end, will be a waste of your time, because each relationship will teach you a valuable lesson about yourself, your capacity to love, and what you are looking for (and not looking for) in a partner.
So, how can you tell if the person you are with is worthy of your “true love”? How can you know when a crush has moved beyond lust and into the realm of love? Here are some sure-fire signs that your affair of the heart has reached true love status:
- You can’t help but smile when you see her/him and s/he is always smiling back. Even the thought of knowing that you are about to see this person brings a smile to your face.
- You feel comfortable, secure, and you can truly be yourself in the relationship. You really trust your partner not to hurt you; ie, there is no need for jealousy or suspicion.
- There have been good times and bad times and through, or in spite of, them all you have remained together. You can communicate with each other in a way that makes working things out easy.
- There are no major dramas in the relationship; ie, you do not test one anothers’ love, engage in relationship gossip or feel the need to play games. You also don’t play any annoying games like checking each other’s phone when the other isn’t watching or snooping around on their social media accounts. There is no need for that drama because you both know that you’ve got each other’s back.
- You each do kind and thoughtful things for the other “just because” and doing them makes both people feel good. For example, you might pick her up some donuts on the way to school on a day that you know that she has a big test. Or, you might iron his shirt for him to help him prepare for that job interview that he has at the mall. Sometimes it’s the little things that count the most, and actions speak much louder than words when you are trying to show someone that you care.
- Outside pressures are few and far between; there are none or only minor issues with peers, friends, family and teachers. You keep people outside of your relationship to keep it healthy.
- There is no violence in the relationship at all — NONE! This includes both emotional and physical violence. If there is violence in a relationship – that’s not true love. True love doesn’t hurt.
- You enhance one another, neither one of you presses the other to do things that may lead to harm or that the other is opposed to doing.
- The things that make you different do not push you apart; ie, different religions, cultural backgrounds or personal beliefs. You accept each other for who you are – differences and all.
- There is no sacrifice, only compromise.
- Sex or no sex: it doesn’t matter, either way it isn’t an issue and nobody has been pressured to do something they weren’t ready to do.
- You know that everything you feel is returned in kind by your partner.
Remember, the idea of one true love is romantic but unrealistic. Open your heart to the idea of loving more than one person in your life, think of these relationships as test runs for the final true love, the person you end up spending your life with, and live in the moment. If you get tunnel vision and become obsessed with finding the mystical and magical “one” s/he may just pass you by.
Article updated by Keisha Howard, Teen Advice Expert.